Ways to help Juniors, teens and adults prevent and resolve conflicts.
You are at a Troop meeting and there is a lot going on today. The girls will be finishing up some badgework,
planning their next camping trip, and you also want to turn their thoughts
toward an upcoming service opportunity.
As the girls enter the meeting room, you notice that Darla and Monique
are surrounded by their own clusters of girls, and there is a lot of whispering
and glancing from one group to the other.
Lakeshia slides into the room and takes a seat without greeting anyone,
and looks like she has been crying. As
the meeting gets underway, Darla makes a suggestion about the badge activity,
and Monique stage-whispers a caustic comment, drawing a lot of snickering from
the girls clustered at her table. You
and your co-leader begin to head over to the table when you notice that
Lakeshia is withdrawn and not participating in the activity.
Yikes! It's hard to stay
focused in situations where a lot is happening at once. You need listening and conflict resolution
skills you can use yourself and teach to the girls.
SKILLS YOU
CAN USE:
1. Stop it
before it starts
The first conflict resolution skill is prevention. Some situations will still occur despite our
best efforts to "be prepared", but in some cases planning and
forethought might reduce or avoid conflict.
As you and the girls get more experience being a Troop, you'll get more
skillful at heading off upsets before they begin.
Can you think of ways that any of the above situations could have
been prevented or mitigated?
Darla and Monique:
_______________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________
2. Be
present and attentive
Being calm and attentive are important skills to exercise in any
situation, and especially when things get chaotic. If you were planning to use time when the
girls were engaged in one activity to quickly read over the instructions for
the next activity, the impact of all the above is going to be even more
stressful. Decide ahead of time that
once the meeting starts, you will be present and available to the girls the entire
time, and stay attentive and involved.
When you are distracted, the girls will notice and react poorly.
How might these situations have been different if an attentive
adult were present?
Darla and Monique:
_______________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________
Lakeshia:
________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________
3. Listen
well
Part of being attentive is being a good listener. Periodically ask yourself these
questions: Do I look at a girl when she
is speaking to me? Do I interrupt? Do I wait to give a girl a chance to answer
me? Does my body language and facial
expression indicate interest or distraction?
You model attitudes of attention and caring for your Troop by listening.
What might your co-leader be doing to help Darla and Monique work
out their conflict?
________________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________
What might you be doing to help Lakeshia?
____________________________________
________________________________________________________________________
SKILLS YOU
CAN TEACH THE GIRLS:
1. Active
Listening
In many conflicts, what each person wants is just to be
heard, to have her point of view acknowledged. In active listening, each person restates in
her own words what she heard the other say.
Use phrases like "It sounds like you said…." Or "If I
understand you correctly, you feel…."
This method often calms the situation and clears up misunderstandings.
2. Role
Reversal
Ask each girl to state the point of view of the other girl. Then ask each to confirm whether her point of
view was understood correctly. Putting
oneself in another's place is an important life skill.
3. Creative
Solutions
Help girls step outside the "I win, You lose" method of
problem-solving, and encourage brainstorming creative solutions
that satisfy both parties. The solution
they choose may not be the one you would, but if it pleases them and they are
willing to both work toward resolution, that's what counts.
At first you will have to actively mediate the conflicts between
the girls. DON'T BECOME
DISCOURAGED! Sometimes the only Troop
activity at your meeting might be to resolve a conflict. The meeting was not wasted! The girls involved in the conflict learned
important life skills, and every girl watching learned as well. More importantly, the girls learned that you
are a fair and impartial adult who can restore order and create a safe space
for them.
In the conflict between Darla and Monique, or whatever situation
is affecting Lakeshia, what do you think each girl might say when coached in
one or more of the above conflict resolution skills?
Darla and Monique: _______________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________
Lakeshia: ________________________________________________________________
